I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
