I'm so fucking centered right now
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
