My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
