I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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