we have officially lost it.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
