Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
