My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
