she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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