She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
