Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize