ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize