it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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