Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
