Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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