So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
