he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
