he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
