I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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