Yo dont text me then not text me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
