Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
