Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
