Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
