i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
even my farts smell like vagina
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to sanitize my soul.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just sucked dick on a ferry
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
