i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
