I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
