I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
