I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
