So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
