where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
