Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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