ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
