wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
