I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
