Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
