dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
