New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize