Your dad touched me again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
