It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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