The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
