I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
