Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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