No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
