speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
