I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Congratulations! We have a period
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
