She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
