So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
