I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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