As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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