goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize