mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
