you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
