I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
