Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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