I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
