sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's just like the Real World with babies
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
