Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
