I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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