remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
