just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
