You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My vagina is officially offended.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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