Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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