This is not my ceiling
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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