Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
