You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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