I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize