My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
